And, conversely, I kept my father's family name when I married in 1987. When that marriage failed in 2017 (truthfully, long before that), I did not feel a loss of identity as some do. It goes both ways - or in your case, many ways. It's all good! BTW, I love seeing your joyful face on the new banner for your site. Be well!
I appreciate you sharing how you think about your name. I found it interesting. I changed my name one time and it stuck for me. My family doesn’t use it which is fine. So with family members I still go by the name my mother, (now deceased) gave me and it sounds really fine it my ears.
I like hearing about your journey and how changing your name is a part of it. I respect you much and feel very sure that I honor the change. I appreciate you you sharing your truth. Thank-you
Change is weird ... with change, we carry that which was into our future. It is no less a part of us than that which we wish to be, no matter how hard we try to jettison it. Our past informs our present and our future. Blessings to you, my friend.
Loved this article that I just read. Seeing that you have moved on from the church, have you ever thought about joining the Unitarian Universalist church? We are the "build your own adventure" religion. we are a social justice conglomerate of people. Christian to Buddhist to Atheist to Pagan. A huge LGBTQ+ community as well. I know, just what you need, someone advocating for a new religion. LOL some folks don't even know we exist out there. Thanks for the article!!! I just shared it with a few of my friends and I know they'll love it too.
Thanks for sharing, Dave, and for bringing up UU's. I have a lot of respect for that tradition. I was just talking about it with someone earlier today. A friend of mine at Iliff School of Theology was preparing to be a UU Minister, and it was quite an intense process.
A couple points of clarity: I don't think I've really "moved on from the church," nor am I really looking to dive into a different faith tradition. I'm stepped out of a role, and I'm not quite sure what comes next, but I'm not completely shutting the church out of my life. In fact, I'm open to the possibility that by initiating this change I may find a way to establish a better relationship with the church than the one I had when I was an office-holding clergyperson.
that's awesome. :) thanks for the clarity. Sometimes I misunderstand things. I had pondered being part of the Episcopal church at once time, being raised Catholic myself, then just wandered for years and became more NewAgey. I used to read Bishop Spong's books (great author) back in the 90s and 00s. Thanks for the response. My son is loving the article and so is his partner. Really appreciate you and your writing. When my boys stop bilking me for weed weekly, I'll definitely be subscribing to your writings. :)
The new name is intriguing...happy to join with you on this ride. I often wonder and imagine my life differently than it is had I had experiences growing up that offered more open and honest exploration and questioning of myself. I’m becoming more curious as I age, being 66 now, my view from here is one where I see change as something to open myself up to more fully, to see the wisdom that exists and keep growing in spirit and love. I’m really happy for you and can feel your excitement in finding your way through something that was challenging, yet is bringing forth something new that you maybe didn’t even know you needed until now. I am grateful for you🧡
I kind of miss calling you Mother Superior. I agree with Kacee and I really don’t like any kind of label much. But I’m also from a different generation.
Hello you! I had a co-worker who would use the word "queer" a lot not in connection with a person but an odd or weird thing. I would cringe every time she used that word as I was very sensitive to people being called "queer" which you just didn't do for the longest time. I get your acceptance of your "gayness" and I have no problem with that but I still cringe a bit. It's like when a Black rapper or whatever uses the "N" word. I am just not comfortable with it.
A rose is a rose no matter what you call it as the saying goes. I am one of those people that believe that a kid should have its own name tho I did know a guy who liked being a "IV" and named his son a "V". I had the same name as my mom, Katherine Esther. I know Esther is a Biblical name (meaning "star"?) but I never liked it and "Katherine" to me was my mom. So she used Katherine E or Katherine H (from her maiden name) and I used just Katherine or Kathy. I liked Kathy when I started Kindergarten (maybe because it was hard to explain why family and friends called me Susie prior to starting school: SusieQ). But "Kathy" seemed so boring ... and then there was "Chatty Kathy" the doll. Eh. (An aside: my brother named his daughter Suzanne or Suzy!)
In my early 30s I changed jobs and I replaced a Kathy and the receptionist next to me was also a Kathy! Well, I thought, this could be confusing so I came up with "Kacee" - my initials of KC spelled out. In 1996, I moved to Nashville to pursue songwriting (imagine that!) and initially reverted back to "Kathy." The law firm on Music Row (not far from your dad's old office) had an attorney name "Kathy" so I decided to become "Kacee" again and since that's what I really preferred (since I chose it!), that's how I introduced myself to my music friends and anyone else for that matter.
All that is to say: I get it! I have often thought of changing my name officially but to have to go through all those things you need to change, at 70 years old, well ... I think you get it. 44? I suspect there will be many changes you go through in your life and do what makes you happy. Teo or Matt your the same inside and people shouldn't be judging you for just a name change or any change. As I said in a previous comment, be your authentic self whoever he might be today, tomorrow, next year, in a decade. You get the gist I'm sure. Just be you! No one should tell you who they think you ought to be. Just be kind to people.
BTW, I turned 44 about 3 months after I arrived in Nashville. Weird, huh?
Self-identification is an important process, and honoring the words a person uses to identify themselves is a way of respecting them. This can be challenging when the word they've chosen was once used exclusively as a slur, like the word queer.
It sounds to me like that's your challenge at the moment in response to my use of this word in the title of my Substack.
But there's a reason I didn't choose the title, "A Gay Imagination." The two words aren't synonymous or interchangeable, though your comment seemed to attempt to make them so. Queer is something different. It encompasses sexuality, but it's also bigger. More complicated. I will likely write about it more in the future, and I hope you can find a way to engage those ideas in a way that brings understanding, and perhaps lessens the cringe you feel when hearing a word that, for me, brings a sense of freedom and joy.
Again, thanks for your comment and for sharing some of your story with everyone here.
Don't forget, Matt. I am of an older generation where calling someone "queer" WAS a slur. It's because of my sensitive nature that it kind of bothers me. I am a Cancer after all. I still will never use the N word or more than likely the word "queer." It was "PC" to not use that word not for MY sake but for those who were gay ... or as you freely use it "queer." Here's the deal, Matt: if you are okay with the word "queer," then so am I but you better not expect to hear me say "Gary's queer son." I'm still working on not thinking of myself as a spinster! 😂 Bottom line? Just be happy being who you are! No one can do it better!!!
As long as you are you, I'm so grateful!!!
On a side note, my husband and I were married May 1979. Love you!
As long as you continue to sparkle <3 sending lots of love to you during this time of transformation.
You are amazing! I too believe in transformation.
As our beloved “Billy” wrote: “That which we call a rose,
By any other word would smell as sweet.”
And, conversely, I kept my father's family name when I married in 1987. When that marriage failed in 2017 (truthfully, long before that), I did not feel a loss of identity as some do. It goes both ways - or in your case, many ways. It's all good! BTW, I love seeing your joyful face on the new banner for your site. Be well!
I appreciate you sharing how you think about your name. I found it interesting. I changed my name one time and it stuck for me. My family doesn’t use it which is fine. So with family members I still go by the name my mother, (now deceased) gave me and it sounds really fine it my ears.
I like hearing about your journey and how changing your name is a part of it. I respect you much and feel very sure that I honor the change. I appreciate you you sharing your truth. Thank-you
Of course I'll be here with you on this journey. You can't get rid of me THAT easy. 🤩
Change is good for us, I'll still love you whatever name you choose! And....you know I will add a Southern twang to it. : )
Love the new name, and appreciate your whole journey. We've had a lot of overlaps! Looking forward to whatever comes next.
Change is weird ... with change, we carry that which was into our future. It is no less a part of us than that which we wish to be, no matter how hard we try to jettison it. Our past informs our present and our future. Blessings to you, my friend.
Imagination, in and of itself, is essential. But darling, queer imagination is everything.✨ I love all of this for you, and I am so here for it!
Loved this article that I just read. Seeing that you have moved on from the church, have you ever thought about joining the Unitarian Universalist church? We are the "build your own adventure" religion. we are a social justice conglomerate of people. Christian to Buddhist to Atheist to Pagan. A huge LGBTQ+ community as well. I know, just what you need, someone advocating for a new religion. LOL some folks don't even know we exist out there. Thanks for the article!!! I just shared it with a few of my friends and I know they'll love it too.
Thanks for sharing, Dave, and for bringing up UU's. I have a lot of respect for that tradition. I was just talking about it with someone earlier today. A friend of mine at Iliff School of Theology was preparing to be a UU Minister, and it was quite an intense process.
A couple points of clarity: I don't think I've really "moved on from the church," nor am I really looking to dive into a different faith tradition. I'm stepped out of a role, and I'm not quite sure what comes next, but I'm not completely shutting the church out of my life. In fact, I'm open to the possibility that by initiating this change I may find a way to establish a better relationship with the church than the one I had when I was an office-holding clergyperson.
that's awesome. :) thanks for the clarity. Sometimes I misunderstand things. I had pondered being part of the Episcopal church at once time, being raised Catholic myself, then just wandered for years and became more NewAgey. I used to read Bishop Spong's books (great author) back in the 90s and 00s. Thanks for the response. My son is loving the article and so is his partner. Really appreciate you and your writing. When my boys stop bilking me for weed weekly, I'll definitely be subscribing to your writings. :)
The new name is intriguing...happy to join with you on this ride. I often wonder and imagine my life differently than it is had I had experiences growing up that offered more open and honest exploration and questioning of myself. I’m becoming more curious as I age, being 66 now, my view from here is one where I see change as something to open myself up to more fully, to see the wisdom that exists and keep growing in spirit and love. I’m really happy for you and can feel your excitement in finding your way through something that was challenging, yet is bringing forth something new that you maybe didn’t even know you needed until now. I am grateful for you🧡
I kind of miss calling you Mother Superior. I agree with Kacee and I really don’t like any kind of label much. But I’m also from a different generation.
Change is good for us, I'll still love you whatever name you choose! And....you know I will add a Southern twang to it. : )
Hello you! I had a co-worker who would use the word "queer" a lot not in connection with a person but an odd or weird thing. I would cringe every time she used that word as I was very sensitive to people being called "queer" which you just didn't do for the longest time. I get your acceptance of your "gayness" and I have no problem with that but I still cringe a bit. It's like when a Black rapper or whatever uses the "N" word. I am just not comfortable with it.
A rose is a rose no matter what you call it as the saying goes. I am one of those people that believe that a kid should have its own name tho I did know a guy who liked being a "IV" and named his son a "V". I had the same name as my mom, Katherine Esther. I know Esther is a Biblical name (meaning "star"?) but I never liked it and "Katherine" to me was my mom. So she used Katherine E or Katherine H (from her maiden name) and I used just Katherine or Kathy. I liked Kathy when I started Kindergarten (maybe because it was hard to explain why family and friends called me Susie prior to starting school: SusieQ). But "Kathy" seemed so boring ... and then there was "Chatty Kathy" the doll. Eh. (An aside: my brother named his daughter Suzanne or Suzy!)
In my early 30s I changed jobs and I replaced a Kathy and the receptionist next to me was also a Kathy! Well, I thought, this could be confusing so I came up with "Kacee" - my initials of KC spelled out. In 1996, I moved to Nashville to pursue songwriting (imagine that!) and initially reverted back to "Kathy." The law firm on Music Row (not far from your dad's old office) had an attorney name "Kathy" so I decided to become "Kacee" again and since that's what I really preferred (since I chose it!), that's how I introduced myself to my music friends and anyone else for that matter.
All that is to say: I get it! I have often thought of changing my name officially but to have to go through all those things you need to change, at 70 years old, well ... I think you get it. 44? I suspect there will be many changes you go through in your life and do what makes you happy. Teo or Matt your the same inside and people shouldn't be judging you for just a name change or any change. As I said in a previous comment, be your authentic self whoever he might be today, tomorrow, next year, in a decade. You get the gist I'm sure. Just be you! No one should tell you who they think you ought to be. Just be kind to people.
BTW, I turned 44 about 3 months after I arrived in Nashville. Weird, huh?
Thanks for your comment, Kacee.
Self-identification is an important process, and honoring the words a person uses to identify themselves is a way of respecting them. This can be challenging when the word they've chosen was once used exclusively as a slur, like the word queer.
It sounds to me like that's your challenge at the moment in response to my use of this word in the title of my Substack.
But there's a reason I didn't choose the title, "A Gay Imagination." The two words aren't synonymous or interchangeable, though your comment seemed to attempt to make them so. Queer is something different. It encompasses sexuality, but it's also bigger. More complicated. I will likely write about it more in the future, and I hope you can find a way to engage those ideas in a way that brings understanding, and perhaps lessens the cringe you feel when hearing a word that, for me, brings a sense of freedom and joy.
Again, thanks for your comment and for sharing some of your story with everyone here.
Don't forget, Matt. I am of an older generation where calling someone "queer" WAS a slur. It's because of my sensitive nature that it kind of bothers me. I am a Cancer after all. I still will never use the N word or more than likely the word "queer." It was "PC" to not use that word not for MY sake but for those who were gay ... or as you freely use it "queer." Here's the deal, Matt: if you are okay with the word "queer," then so am I but you better not expect to hear me say "Gary's queer son." I'm still working on not thinking of myself as a spinster! 😂 Bottom line? Just be happy being who you are! No one can do it better!!!
We don’t need to continue this conversation.